i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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