She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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