i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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