im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
