It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
