I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize