You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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