I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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