your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
