Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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