ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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