youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
