Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
then he tried to convert me to islam
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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