ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
