WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
