You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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