I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
