I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
