Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Drake has all the answers
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
