she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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