and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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