We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
