Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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