I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
