He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
