If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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