i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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