I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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