I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
