Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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