i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
