That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize