I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
