He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
