i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
