Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
