I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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