I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
