I got chris browned last night
I think I died a long time ago.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
