I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
