I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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