she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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