Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
