if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
