im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
