Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize