I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
