So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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