I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
either way he was missing a nipple.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
