Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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