If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
