you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
