Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
