so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize