I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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