Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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