Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
