can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love having hate sex.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
