i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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