Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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