I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
