I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
