So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
