She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize