He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
