it wasn't lemon gatorade
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
