My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
dude. I can hear the air.
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