Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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