i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
