My liver just broke up with me...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize