So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
