No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
