i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
