her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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