he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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