and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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